Families...

If you want children...I always think your family will shape up how its meant to; it's fate. By this I mean whether you have boys or girls, summer babies or winter babies, close together or years apart, an only child, no children and much-loved dogs or cats. Every family has its own story; some families come effortlessly, others after painful waiting and enormous effort. When I see families with say, three or four little girls, I do wonder how lovely that must be, all frothy, girly pink, ballet bags, ribbons and long hair.

Then I see families with all boys and its outdoorsy, muddy, all sport kit and scuffed walls and that happy 'boys will be be boys' feeling.

I see families with lots of children - like four or five. To me the prospect of looking after four children is, honestly, frightening. I simply can't imagine it; I think in the way that before you have kids, you can't quite imagine what life would be like with kids. I have huge admiration for big families and an envy. To have brothers and sisters, older and younger (I have one older brother). I can see how wonderful it must be to grow up with lots of siblings, all looking out for each other (and jostling for attention).

For our little family, we have one of each. A boy and a girl; so its neither all pink nor all blue. Brother and sister. We are out of the baby stage now and can see what life looks like on the other side. I do feel at peace now.

For those who struggle to fall pregnant, I always think it's the hardest part. When you long for a baby, time is the enemy - every month that passes is an endurance, like one big missed opportunity, but on repeat. Time stretches out and I sometimes wish I could say to those prospective mothers - it's OK, this is how fate will have it for you. Your family will shape up in the way its meant to and if that means a long wait for your first, so be it. Or a big age-gap with your second, so be it. Just one child or three. And for some maybe a fourth...

I know though that in reality these words don't mean much...as nothing can take away that ache. But for friends who go through this, I do so wish the ache would go away and fate would play its part...