It's all about the detail...

Never before have the details in life seemed so noticeable to me. In almost every aspect of my little life, these details appear; that bit extra that makes something special. I have a friend who always says 'it's the detail!' when we shop for clothes. I am always the one looking for the best leather, the quirky detail, the right buttons.

Natalia Vodianova via a taste of blue

In motherhood, I see it's those little details that can make the day go more smoothly. Where I have have their favourite cakes as an after-school snack. At home, the meal that happens effortlessly but is made with the best ingredients and goes all to plan. The patience and coaching as I sit with them to do homework. I am noticing that given the time and pure dedication, it is possible for me to provide all of those little details.

Historically, I have always had a quiet awe for women who manage this. They are a certain type who are able to constantly stay one step ahead. When the children were smaller, these mothers were the ones who would (with a swish of a perfect ponytail) serenely draw out a nutritious snack and drink, where I would have forgotten mine and my toddler would have to chew on their own hands!

But...and I wouldn't be me if there wasn't a but...what is it all about?! Never before have I had the time or the inclination to be so bothered with these little details. Instead a perpetual inner dialogue in my head raged; always justifying why I couldn't make the perfect meal/be the best mother I could be/have lipstick and pretty dress on as my husband returned at the end of a busy work day. I railed against being too organised. But now I begrudgingly admit I judged those women whose day consisted of little else but managing these details. And look at me now; pot calling the kettle black.

There is a hint of Stepford wife-dom in my life at the moment, as I sense that I am subconsciously trying to make up for all my past wrongs. But the point is: they weren't wrongs exactly, they were just less-thans. I did less than I could have done, as I put priority into other areas; like time for myself or for my job.

via nantucket youth

I do enjoy the little details and it's a quiet thrill now to be able to provide them for my family...but I do wonder if it's unsustainable. All of this 'thinking' time is about me trying to establish how to live a life that does not burn the candle at both ends until everything is, frankly, well, extinguished. I read a book that is shiveringly accurate in its depiction of 'perfect' motherhood and its darker side. It's called 'This Perfect World'...and I have to say it was disturbing reading; for the degree to which I identified with these über mothers.

I know to some readers this will seem like an unimaginable depth of navel-gazing. But I find myself really questioning these elements of life at this time.  We only get one chance at this; what is the best way to choose to live your life? Constantly striving for perfection or content with what you have? 

I am thinking the best place to start this fundamental life pondering is with a cuppa tea and a good book; I'll let you know if I find the answer but until then...

Things of beauty...

Friday comes...a much-needed end of the week. My children have now broken up from school (again) and we have two week's of half term. As ever, the reprieve from the school run routine is greatly appreciated, but also there is that mild panic at the prospect of entertaining them. Must children be entertained constantly? I'm sure when I was a child we entertained ourselves more!

I read back on my blog this time last year and recognise a different me. What a difference a year makes; I was Lou but not the Lou I am now. It's subtle, but to me, very clear. Life is a journey and this particular phase is one of self-awareness. I've been too busy to notice very much of anything for years and now; well now I notice everything. I am acutely conscious in a new way. It's really good, enjoyable, informative.

So, the lovely Simone came to tea. And lunch. And we had cupcakes (well, why not?). There was a-l-h-o-t of talk, we covered many topics, time flew by and then away she went back to the big city! What a miracle the Internet is to bring friends to our doorstep. I never ever would have even met Simone unless I had done so through blogging. Who would have thought? A kindred spirit found out there in the wilderness of the web.

Longing for some quieter time this weekend. There is this danger of over-egging the weekend activities, leaving us drained by the time Monday rolls around. I'm still learning to find that balance; to live life at weekends but also to allow us to recoup as a family.

A whimsical grey and pink hue to my beautiful things this week...

via the front row

by Atlanta Bartlett

colours I love via JCrew

ohhh I like...the Mulberry Polly Push Lock

...impossibly pretty...Natalia Vodianova

striking eyes...photograph by eddie judd photography

the best things in life: tea and cake...photograph by Philip Webb

frilly skirts are lovely via bob and blossom

via Vogue Chanel Spring Summer 2012

Daddy is home; The Kennedy's...photograph by Jacques Lowe

via the front row

Wishing all of you lovely readers a happy weekend.

Today's thoughts...

I'm sure there are much better things to be doing than sitting here writingthis. It seems no matter how productive my plans are for a day, thatday arrives and I don't get as much done. I tell myself this is the newme; if it doesn't get done, it's OK. Go easy on yourself!

via this flickr

A country walk this morning with the pup. Yesterday itwas the beach, where I discovered that he knows his name but sometimeschooses not to respond to it! I am doing my best with the puppytraining but it's hard; just when I think I've cracked it, he remindsme that he is just a baby and is learning all the time.

photograph by aaron delesie

In recent months, my daughter Boo has been unsettled; at times to an alarming degree. I am so grateful now that she seems calmer. She is so diligent with her school work; so keen to please. In fact both of them have this innate need for reassurance and praise. This is, I assume, as it should be and those assurances are given daily, but still it seems there is always scope for more. I am trying hard to provide her with consistency and a regular rhythm in life, in the hope that it will give her confidence and surety. I've come to accept that some children need routine to thrive...

Meanwhile, yesterday my son had to have his hair cut; this is always a trauma for me as there is a Samson-esque quality about his hair. It is so him. His hair is his strength. He has blonde-tipped curls that I just adore - his hair is like a hit of mummy pheromones to me. So I stood by watching them tumble as his hair was cut and it is just a little too short. It'll grow...

The weather seems to have turned and we are back to some autumnal norm. I survey the apples fallen from the trees in our garden and wonder for the hundredth time - what am I going to do with them all? There is only so much stewed apple one family can take...so it goes in my country life.

And so it goes...

The sojourn to Wimbledon was lovely; so utterly British and proper. My main recollection: Pimms in glasses and beautiful blue hydrangeas in every flower pot. Ralph Lauren blazers worn by all of the linesmen and women; very dapper. We go again on Thursday for another onslaught of 'Corporate Entertainment' where the highest echelons of corporate wifery are required; pretty dresses and sparkling repartee...

via a lady's findings by a little sussy

Meanwhile on the home front, days of a more trying kind. Trying to be a good parent, a bastion of good advice and calmness. This has partially alluded me this week as Boo has veered from happy to sad to downright anxious about a school trip. Oh if only I could give her the life experience to see that she will grow from things that challenge her. When your kids have to do tough things it makes you question whether you should save them from their own anxieties. I run with the view that says 'she has to learn'. But my goodness, it's hard to stand by and know that you could take it all away by saying an emphatic 'you don't have to go.'

I turn to reading John Updike in times of trouble - I like his salty New England observations. Am I the only one who loves this writer? What is it? Currently reading 'The Witches of Eastwick'...

I mentioned I was seeing many-a-specialist in efforts to resolve the pain issue. So far it's been one step forward, two steps back. It's funny isn't it how many of the alternative therapies purport to 'fix you', yet it's unclear what actually delivers a fix. All I know is that the fix is not yet in my grasp and the pain persists. I do sometimes wonder...how exactly did I get here? Did I loose my compass?

via 79 ideas

I've been thinking...

I had one of those weekends where there was nothing too pressing or pressurised taking place. We drifted from Friday to Sunday, the days punctuated by family activities like swimming, food shopping, a horse-riding lesson, film watching.

Certain things struck me along the way - for once, my mind free to wander. Firstly how I manage to totally forget about my work come Saturday morning. Is this because I have, over the years, trained myself to zone it out? Or does it indicate that work carries that little importance? When I have a weekend when everyone is exactly where they are meant to be (ie at home), it's the meander of family time that I concentrate on and work becomes a distant second.

I kept half an eye on the London Fashion Week shenanigans and I wondered - how have I never paid any attention to this spectacle before? Did it have less importance or is it now that my world has opened up? There is simply so much input available; a constant stream of images and thoughts via so many different sources.

On a morning run I found myself pondering how it is that Olivia Palermo can brave the winter climes of London with bare legs! Did she not get the memo that said 'It's February!' The degree of winter sun and/or grooming required to get legs looking that way in the middle of the coldest months is mind-boggling! To me bare legs in winter is a bit like wearing sequins in the daytime; it would normally be a faux-pas. Yet our Olivia pulls it off.

Sunday beef and Yorkshire puddings and a visit from the new baby in the family. He slept and slept and we all wondered how he could sleep quite that much (all inwardly deducing that this would mean he would be up all night). All of the memories of that fog of motherhood came back to us - even Boo who can recall holding her little brother when he arrived nearly 6 years ago. But to see a new, fresh little formed family was heart-warming and special.

And so to a new week, it's half term so no school. Time for country walks, which are my answer to every moment of boredom in school holidays. Failing that, the beach. Blowing away the cobwebs in some February chill - with not a bare leg in sight!

You can not be PERFECT at everything, you can only do your best...

Some very good and well-timed advice from my dear friend D. She dispensed this advice on our real-time messaging system at work; she in the Netherlands, me here. As this statement flashed up in a little window on my screen I just kept re-reading it thinking 'yes, of course!'. So obvious. I love her simple wisdom.

The blogging community has shrunk this week as I entered the realm of Twitter. Where have I been?! Such an obvious extension to this forum. I contacted friends and kept up with their day to day lives, interspersed with some celebrity voyeurism. What could be better?! One such twitter friend Sophie, posted this gorgeousness of Paris with her beau, sporting her Lou, Boos and Shoes giveaway clutch bag! I love a happy ending and good handbags do go to good people!

Whilst on the topic of how the Internet shrinks the world, another good blogger friend of mine (who shall remain nameless), residing entirely in another hemisphere has found her true love on line and is counting down to meeting him for the first time in a matter of weeks. Despite societal 'scorn' of the use of the blogging/facebooking/flickr/twitter medium to form relationships, you have to admit it connects people in a way that is simply awesome.

This weekend will be spent preparing Boo for a ballet exam on Saturday (eeek), catching up with good friends for dinner and generally trying to wind down from was what a bit of a week...

I just love this image - how beautiful is she?

via it's mary ruffle

by Jamie Beck

For my friend E who is learning to live with her daughter's cheeky toddler-esque ways...

via patterson maker

We are trying awfully hard to be this, after a fairly disastrous week of parenting decisions; you know when you just try and try to be rational and supportive to your kids and it just comes out all wrong?

via cowparsley

Valentine pretties...I am not big on this particular holiday celebration...but the pink is always nice.

Diaphanous Natalia Vodianova...

One corridor in life always leads to another...it's a long journey with many doors!

Here's to a healing, restorative weekend...

My weekend...

The best thing to do when feeling 'grr' on a Friday night is to go out for curry. This family tradition has been with us for years; the defining end of the week treat. Curry is that institution that all Brits seem to hold dear; the local curry house, antiquated with decor from thirty years ago. I am not sure you will be able to picture the scene unless you've witnessed the British reality but here goes: dark, velvet clad booths, patterned plates, paper napkin origami. Rice and curry, bhajis and side orders like 'Sag Aloo'. Faint whiff of coriander. Dishes everywhere filled with sulphur turmeric-infused delights. Our local curry house has provided us with Friday-night-curry for more years than I care to remember. What did I say about being steeped in the past?! And best of all, the kids love it too. It did the trick, the 'grr' lifted and we re-set the happy balance.

via pretty stuff

Saturday, saw a house de-clutter epiphany for me - a combination of over-flowing cupboards and drawers in my house and a stern discussion (= row) with my husband about why clutter bothers me so much sent me off with resolution. I spent the day clearing out, getting rid, making those choices of 'if you haven't used it for a year, you never will'. Plus rather cathartically for me I finally choose to part with most of the baby/toddler stuff still hanging around; rogue baby bottles, bibs, just-in-case plastic bowls, dried up old play dough...all those items that I have realised my children have grown out of. I am almost ashamed to admit, it felt so good!

...love this...dream of cupboards like this...

Sunday, Boo and I went to the Marina and I ran while she rode her scooter alongside me. One of those moments where I appreciate how much I can do now that my children are a bit older. I know the childhood moments are fleeting and soon they will be all grown up and will be nest-flying. But for now it feels wonderful that we have this gift of an opportunity to spend time doing cool stuff. As she scooted, she read out the names of the boats we passed... 'Lucy Louise', 'The Dreamer' 'Nantucket', 'Time Flies'...how prophetic those boat names seem...

Home times...

I feel remarkably chilled, despite the current status of things. Husband's new job = away from home. It's a two week half term (did I mention?) and I have very little planned for my charges. In response, I made a cassoulet...just off the cuff (OK, Jamie Oliver helped abit) and I shucked some broad beans. Shucked is such an underused word don't you think?

...majestic pumpkin via Everything Fabulous...

Boo has dental issues; seriously the amount of time we spend at the dentist, he must think I have some sort of dental Münchausens. I don't by the way, but my poor children are subjected to daily brushing rituals in my attempt to undo where I went wrong. Never, ever enough flossing.

My house this time of year takes on it's right and proper personality. In the mornings when I get up before everyone else, I go downstairs and have come to habitually skip the fourth step as it has a creak that will surely wake every other member of the household. And as the nights draw in now at 6.30pm, it triggers me to start cooking in a way I never do in the summer months. The wind whistles down the chimney funnel to the ancient Rayburn cooker in a way that reminds me; winter is coming.

via tinywhitedaisies

The kids and I have looked in every nook of the house to find lost pennies and we are having them counted and converted into pounds today. This constitutes holiday activity for my kids...and pocket money for spending. We are off to IKEA for a Swedish meatball lunch and maybe a bit of retail.

Each day, dressing decisions for me are whittled down to jeans, boots, leggings (why did I never discover leggings til now, at the ripe age of 36? They have rocked my world).

I am liking these home times...

More Tuesday musings...

Summer holidays underway...spent yesterday afternoon walking by the canal, feeding the ducks, watching baby moorhens scuttle along over lily pads. My house already looks like I am staging a cleaning/tidying strike (although I am not). The slower pace of life is starting to take effect. I even started reading a book, supplied to me by my lovely old friend L, who had read in my blog that I was after reading recommendations. Love to get stuff in the post.

via it's mary ruffle

Despite all good sense telling me not to, I went to a local boutique and bought another dress. I know. Willpower of a gnat. It was one of these Butter by Nadia Signature Wrap dresses and it was half price. These are satin, but my one is jersey and is palest, softest grey cotton and is just lovely. Did I mention it was half price? I had seen someone in one and as per usual with my dress crushes I had to have one. I know. Where to wear?

Loyal followers will know I have spent the last few months having dental issues, which sadly remain unresolved.  I now have a referral to an expert in facial pain, in an attempt to diagnose what on earth is going on. To say this has dominated my thoughts is an understatement; it's a strange thing living with pain day to day, no matter how positive you are, it does wear you down. Everything feels slightly tinged. So I shall see...fingers crossed.

via Dust Jacket Attic