What it means to me...

This blogging business; it's a strange and wondrous thing. I am amazed that for two years now this corner of the web has been mine and on it, I record my thoughts for others to read. Still, this blog remains a closely guarded secret; very few of my friends and family are aware I write this blog. And I ask myself: what purpose does it serve? What's it all about?

For those dear friends who are aware and do read along, they get a blow-by-blow account of my little life. They know the nuances of my days and can keep up to date without having to call or email. Often I get texts saying 'I read the blog...and...whatssup?' It is the barometer of my thoughts, of which there are many. Those who know me well can read between the lines.

For those who don't know me, but who drop in from time to time, it's a place of pretty pictures and a touch of voyeurism in to the days of someone they might never come across in their real lives.

For my blog friends - a merry band of supporters, it is again a stopping place; somewhere to check in and chew the cud. To agree or to disagree with whatever opinion I am expressing that day. The diversity and range of this group of friends makes me smile; an online family of wisdom.

It's a place for me to write. I was asked recently what my hobbies were and I struggled to answer. I live day to day being a mother; being a wife, keeping house, working in my job (although less of that lately). I spend my time preparing and wiping and clearing and planning. And thinking. I am not sure I even have a hobby? Finally I said that writing was my hobby. As I am sure any bone fide writer will tell you, it is not that one chooses to write, it is that one is compelled to write. For years I kept diaries and this is the same. Am I compelled to write? Well, no not all the time, but I must admit that by writing here I have found solace and clarity. Often during my day, things will occur to me and I want to write them down. There is something wonderfully freeing about pressing 'publish' and filling the void with thoughts.

The kindness of strangers has staggered me. Anonymous comments recommending books or articles that might interest me. Readers who have gone out their way. Unsolicited kind emails from other countries. Gifts that arrive in the post, from Canada or America or nearer to home; London.

I should be more bold with my blog - I should be proud of it and not fear that people won't 'get it'. It has brought me so much, I can't begin to tell you.

So after two years, here's to plenty more time, more words, more pretty pictures, more comments, more friends....

via pretty little flower

January Diaries: Jacqueline from 'Home' Guest Post

Hello 2012!! Good morning, good day, good new year! I have asked some friends to write guest posts for me to commemorate two years of my little blog. All I asked for was a day in their life; a record of what they are doing. Here, Jacqueline from 'Home' starts off with her New Years Day commentary. As ever, it's her slightly irreverent, tongue-in-cheek loveliness that I enjoy. So many times she has dropped by to leave me words of wisdom; I value her judgement and her priceless, positive attitude to life. A girl whose glass is definitely half full...thank you very much!!

DEAR DIARY...

JANUARY 1st 2012

8:49am ......AWOKE FEELING RATHER DELICATE AFTER BEING FORCED TO DRINK COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL AT A NEW YEARS EVE FAMILY WEDDING!

MUST GET UP SOON AS THERE IS SO MUCH TO BE DONE.
WILL JUST CLOSE MY EYES FOR 5 MINUTES....

10:27am ......LEG IS KILLING ME......PROBABLY DUE TO ME DOING THE SPLITS TO THE ACCOMPANIMENT OF 'OOPS UPSIDE YOUR HEAD' !!

11:03am......

12:07am ...... I REALLY MUST GET UP......THERE ARE SOME CUPBOARDS THAT NEED SORTING......

13:23pm ...... DINNER HAS TO BE ORGANISED......

14:57pm ......THE LOUNGE COULD DO WITH A BIT OF A TIDY......

15:09pm ......THE DINING ROOM FLOOR COULD DO WITH A SWEEP.......

OH, SO MUCH TO DO, SO MUCH MORE SLEEP TO BE HAD!!

17:13pm ......THE SILVER NEEDS CLEANING AFTER ALL OF THOSE CHRISTMAS MEALS.

17:21pm ......I REALLY SHOULD DO SOME SHOPPING AS WE ARE NOW RUNNING OUT OF FOOD.

18:49pm ......AND, THE BATHROOM COULD DO WITH A CLEAN..........

                                                                               BUT..........

                                                   

image 1: via Jacqueline@HOME image 2: via we heart it, image 3: via pinterest, image 4: via heartbeat oz, image 5 & 11: via hearts of glass, image 6: via blessed wild apple girl, image 7: via Buddah Interiors, image 8: via Umla, image 9: via brown dress with white dots, image 10: via Jacqueline@HOME, image 12: via crush cul de sac.

Many, many congratulations Lou, on two years of blogging.....time passes so quickly doesn't it? Many thanks for your beautiful, honest and thought-provoking posts that are so interesting to read and stunning to look at.

Here's to many more years of Lou, Boos and Shoes and to continued blogging friendship.

My year...

I am not sure how I will remember this year looking back; it was the year where I got lost but then was found. It's been one of those years where if I had known at the start how it would end up, I would scarcely have believed it!

But along the way lots of happiness and moments of gratefulness for where we are and what we have.

My blog is two years old, so it's now as if I have a two year diary of my life. I like having a diary; it takes me back to my younger self where I wrote daily well into my 20's, using the old fashioned method of pen and paper.

So here is a year in the life of me...love from Lou, Boos and Shoes...

...beach sunsets...

...trailing wisteria on our house...

...sweet peas brought by friends...

...spelling bee...

...sailboats on the blue...

...Cornish castles and green fields...

...the bluest blue...

...beach hut sandy toes...

...taking the plunge...

...domestic time...

...morning sunrises...

...a new member of our family...

...apple harvest...

...winter walks...

...Christmas ivy in our farmhouse...

Here's to a fabulous 2012...

Hello...it's me...

Hello all...I had anticipated popping in over the Christmas break but as things turned out there wasn't the time to. We had some big and unwelcome news straight after Christmas which I must admit has knocked us sideways. Isn't it amazing how life has a way of blind-siding you when you least expect it? Thankfully this news is of not the health variety so I take a lot of comfort in the knowledge that we are all actually OK. Everything is fine; we may just need to steer things in a different direction for a while. Uncharted territory can be unsettling though; what was I saying about embracing change?!

My little blog is two years old as of the new year, so I have asked a handful of my favourite blog friends to write guest posts for me and they will be featuring over the coming weeks.

I'll be back...and in the meantime have a very happy new year!

A little bit of honest me...

I had a nice, festive blog post in mind, but instead what you'll get is a selection of extracts from my mind, as of now...but rest assured there will be some Christmas 'things of beauty' before the week is done.

This always happens. I get more excited about Christmas in late November than I do when the real thing is almost upon us. Somehow this year there is a sense of unreality which I can only attribute to the current calmness of my life. I am not in a rush. I have time. I do not have to balance working and homemaking. I have lists where I can actually tick off actions, one by one, in a normal, sane manner. This is indeed new territory for me. I like it.

via dust jacket attic from style me pretty

Meanwhile someone closest to me, namely my lovely husband, is working like there is no tomorrow. The contrast between us incongruous. I sense this may be one of the perils of being a housewife (my albeit temporary status). He is a whirlwind and I am a constant. I am the eye of his storm; the oddly quiet, alternative world of our home, as the rest of his corporate world swirls around. Suffice to say, it's a tough time to be corporate.

I finally watched the film 'Black Swan'. It's a great film, I can entirely see why Natalie Portman won the Oscar. But what has stayed with me as well, a little like an unwelcome guest, is a fascination with how her body looked. How thin she was. How all ballerinas have that grace, that look, which is almost prepubescent. I found myself wondering what it would be like to be that thin again, as I once was, aged about 15. Now of course I am a healthy, fit weight and after my children I have curves in places there never used to be curves. Thanks to a lot of training in recent months, I am now fitter than I have ever been; but conversely I weigh more. Gone though, is that waif-like quality of youth. A dancer's body...is it wrong to silently covet such an unobtainable thing?

And so this week continues, children counting down, while I try to keep a grasp on the real meaning of the season. My answer to everything: walking in the great outdoors. Now, with the addition of the puppy, walking is an everyday pursuit that I inflict on my family.

At the weekend, I woke early and my son and I did rounds of the fields behind our house before the sun had come up. It was an icy morning, crisp and fresh and oh-so-bracing. At times like those, I am so grateful for my impetuous decision to get a dog. Without him, we would not be charging round fields before sunrise on any given Saturday morning. Maybe when I made the choice to get him, I knew somewhere deep inside that we needed him. We needed something him our little family.

On Sunday, we went to a beautiful, stylish drinks party in a beautiful, stylish house. A wintery afternoon of canapé perfection and champagne flutes. It was lovely. The fact remains that loveliness for me does equate to beautiful things; elegant places and little details. I notice all the details in a heartbeat. And so it goes for me; one day in wellies, the next in heels. I like the contrasts... :-)

more via dust jacket attic

How am I?

Regular and long term readers will know that I have been suffering with unexplained pain for some time now. Even as I write that I wince slightly in the knowledge that unexplained pain is so much more...kooky...than the explained. And whilst being mildly kooky has always been part of my charm, in this instance it is the worse possible characteristic.

Having seen specialist after specialist, practitioner after practitioner, I am still left without a clear diagnosis but know that day to day I live with pain in the way that gardeners live with the blight of weeds in their flower beds. Some days it bothers me less; some days it's as if a gigantic thistle has emerged, its prickles threatening to puncture every good thing in my day. I have read and read and read about what 'it' might be, what can I can do to make it go away. I have taken baby steps of recovery over recent months where my attitude has been: I live with this pain, I won't let it ruin my life.

The medics have called it 'Atypical Facial Pain'...which means they don't know what it is or what causes it, but it manifests itself as pain in the nerves in the face. This is what it feels like: tooth ache crossed with numbness crossed with I-need-to-lay-my-head-down throbbing in my jaw.

This will be the second Christmas where I have had this in my life and accept that thought with stoicism; there are plenty of people who suffer worse. I can function, it's just not that pleasant sometimes.

I am seeing a Physio-therapist who believes that this pain is all muscular; that over a long time the muscles in my neck and shoulders have got themselves into such a mess that they are constantly in painful spasm. She thinks this was triggered by a fall I had when skiing, which happened just before the pain started in 2010. She thinks she can fix me but that much of the emphasis has to be on me; on how I live and stand and walk and behave in between appointments. It's all about posture and eradicating bad habits; no slouching!

But in addition there is this other layer of action that might fix this problem. Yoga stretches. Over months, if I do yoga stretches each day, eventually my muscles will learn to live again and be normal. Then the pain should ease away. Secondly, Meditation. Yep. The answer lies in calmness. There is such an irony in this; as regular readers will also know, I have taken steps to make my life much calmer. For my addled mind, it has worked a treat, I am now calm. But in my body, as the pain persists, the calmness has not seeped in and worked its wonders.

So I am left now with a challenge. For months I have had this idea of meditation in my mind and have, I admit, dispelled it as fancy. I get that it probably makes you feel relaxed, but I have yet to accept that it will actually cure my pain. I have read book after book about this and there is proven, clinical evidence of its success. But really...really?? I am a sceptic. I need however to embrace this doctrine and try it. Properly and in earnest. Otherwise I find my mind racing ahead with the thought that if I don't ever cure this pain, it will be my uninvited friend forever. It's already the elephant in the room on some family days, when everyone is having a great time but where my kids see that Mummy is 'having a bad day'. Boo says to me 'do you need a hug Mummy?' and I know her childlike empathy has come, and that there is nothing she can do but offer hug-comfort.

And so my new year's resolution becomes clear...and maybe one day I can report that the pain has gone and left me free from it forever...

Right here, right now...

Hello. So it's a Tuesday; we are off to see Rihanna in concert tonight (get me: down with the kids). So I leave my little country-fied life for the big smoke. So as Autumn gently and gradually slips into a chiller winter, here is what is happening, right here, right now...

...stacked logs in the wood store...a ridiculously satisfying sight.

...one last remaining apple...

...the trusty Royal Rayburn...

...the (mucky) pup...

...the English hedgerow and the church over the road...

...last lone rose...

...the pup again...

...happy feet; shiny toed flats...

Autumnal nostalgia...

Autumn days when the grass is jewelled...this time of year makes me nostalgic. I think of my first term at University, where it rained and rained and rained this time of year; blame the West country weather. But as students with less than 10 hours of lectures a week (yea, really) we didn't mind. More reason to stay tucked up in the one warm room of our student house and watch re-runs of thirtysomething or delve into the emotional highs and lows of a John Hughes film; 'She's Having a Baby' was a favourite. We were planning our family lives at 18 years of age! And here I am; living the family life.

It is now at this time of year that my University friends and I get together, for (whilst we are all in throes of motherhood) an annual catch-up. Knowing its coming up makes me miss them even more as life and geography has got in the way of us meeting often. So in Autumn I always get this slight heart ache, that yearning that comes from missing old and precious friends who you know you haven't seen nearly enough of.

via the ever lovely dustjacket attic

Meanwhile, my little life goes on; gearing up for the coming weeks as Christmas starts to draw closer. This year I have a sense of calm about the season that has definitely been missing for a long time. I am revelling in it. Just waiting for the first showing of the Coca-Cola ad; '...holidays are coming, holidays are coming...' to get me truly started.

I notice also that my concentration is shifting; getting back into focus. For so long there has been a haze that now is sharpening up. It's almost imperceptible, but it's there. I am so lucky to have the time to notice. It's amazing really how my mindset has changed. I feel...more in control than I have for years. It's a good feeling.

It's all about the detail...

Never before have the details in life seemed so noticeable to me. In almost every aspect of my little life, these details appear; that bit extra that makes something special. I have a friend who always says 'it's the detail!' when we shop for clothes. I am always the one looking for the best leather, the quirky detail, the right buttons.

Natalia Vodianova via a taste of blue

In motherhood, I see it's those little details that can make the day go more smoothly. Where I have have their favourite cakes as an after-school snack. At home, the meal that happens effortlessly but is made with the best ingredients and goes all to plan. The patience and coaching as I sit with them to do homework. I am noticing that given the time and pure dedication, it is possible for me to provide all of those little details.

Historically, I have always had a quiet awe for women who manage this. They are a certain type who are able to constantly stay one step ahead. When the children were smaller, these mothers were the ones who would (with a swish of a perfect ponytail) serenely draw out a nutritious snack and drink, where I would have forgotten mine and my toddler would have to chew on their own hands!

But...and I wouldn't be me if there wasn't a but...what is it all about?! Never before have I had the time or the inclination to be so bothered with these little details. Instead a perpetual inner dialogue in my head raged; always justifying why I couldn't make the perfect meal/be the best mother I could be/have lipstick and pretty dress on as my husband returned at the end of a busy work day. I railed against being too organised. But now I begrudgingly admit I judged those women whose day consisted of little else but managing these details. And look at me now; pot calling the kettle black.

There is a hint of Stepford wife-dom in my life at the moment, as I sense that I am subconsciously trying to make up for all my past wrongs. But the point is: they weren't wrongs exactly, they were just less-thans. I did less than I could have done, as I put priority into other areas; like time for myself or for my job.

via nantucket youth

I do enjoy the little details and it's a quiet thrill now to be able to provide them for my family...but I do wonder if it's unsustainable. All of this 'thinking' time is about me trying to establish how to live a life that does not burn the candle at both ends until everything is, frankly, well, extinguished. I read a book that is shiveringly accurate in its depiction of 'perfect' motherhood and its darker side. It's called 'This Perfect World'...and I have to say it was disturbing reading; for the degree to which I identified with these über mothers.

I know to some readers this will seem like an unimaginable depth of navel-gazing. But I find myself really questioning these elements of life at this time.  We only get one chance at this; what is the best way to choose to live your life? Constantly striving for perfection or content with what you have? 

I am thinking the best place to start this fundamental life pondering is with a cuppa tea and a good book; I'll let you know if I find the answer but until then...